Divorce is often a divisive, hurtful, and emotionally draining time for the couples that go through the separation. Most importantly, though, divorce is a time when your child may be confused, hurt, angry, and unsure about the very thing most stable in their lives. There are some very natural feelings that are a natural part of the pairing of divorce and children. While some emotions are necessary, though, there are definitely signs of negative effects of divorce on children to watch out for to keep you child stable and healthy.
A Natural Response of Appropriate Age
Children of different ages will all have different responses to a separation in the family. When looking at your own child for their unique responses to the stress and confusion of divorce, make sure to take age into consideration on how divorce affects children.
Small Children: Small children of divorce up to age 5 will have a very basic understanding of what’s going on during a divorce, but will not be able to control or comprehend how to react. Tantrums, physical outlets, and bodily changes such as weight loss can occur in children who are too young to understand their feelings.
School Aged Kids: Elementary aged children deal with divorce the hardest, so helping these kids especially is a must. During ages five through thirteen, children are learning about community and family, socializing themselves with the world around them. Since this is the time children are learning about “people,” and upset such as divorce will impact how they view their world for the rest of their lives. Misinterpretation of what marriage means is the number one divorce effect on children.
Teenagers: Teens may react to divorce with anger, violence, depression, and sadness if not properly counseled and supported by parents or family. They may also feel pushed into adulthood and start grappling with the need to parent their siblings, emerging intimate feelings, along with doubting the strength of personal relationships. Because teen can understand the events leading up to a separation, they may feel the need to become a political part of the divorce, choosing sides in some cases.
Young Adults: Past age 18, children are quintessentially adults and will typically behave like adults will. They are still not immune to the emotional effects of divorce, though, but are better equipped at dealing with it. For your young adult children, do not pick fights or trash your spouse just because your children seem like adults. You are still their mom or dad.
Warning Signs
While initial outbursts of anger, limited depression, and confusion are to be expected, there are warning signs of more serious problems that every parent should look out for. Some children deal with stress by refusing to eat, falling into depression, and even exploiting their own bodies with drugs and sexual encounters. If you suspect any of these actions, take immediate actions to try and stop them. You may even schedule an appointment for your child with a counselor who is not at all involved with the divorce so that your child can speak openly and honestly about what they’re feeling.
Divorce and Your Children
When separating from your spouse, make sure that your children remain your number one priority. Some emotional responses are natural, but always look out for side effects that are destructive and dangerous. Helping your child during the divorce is the best way to ensure a healthy future for them. It’s also a way to ensure the best effects of divorce on children to prevent problems in their lives.
